ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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