would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
