New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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