so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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