terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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