I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
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