awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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