Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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