loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Drunk is not a location!
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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