We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
