Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
