Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Randomize
