I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize