Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
