He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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