The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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