is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
