I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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