just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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