considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
