I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
