all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
