8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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