Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
