Pregnant stripper...not hot.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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