I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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