unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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