If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
