so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I pour the whiskey from now on
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
