I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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