Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
