I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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