Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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