I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
