just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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