i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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