allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
