I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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