Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
