I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
