true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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