yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
