Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
