do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i would one night stand the shit outta him
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
