sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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