Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
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At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
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Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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