im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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