For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
