According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
