My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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