I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
