I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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