Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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