and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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