you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
