he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Randomize
