Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I want to fling myself into the sun
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
