TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
