p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Just puked most of my soul out..
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
