did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
