spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
