I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
