I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
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After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
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I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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