So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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