Your dad touched me again.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize