and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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