so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
