i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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