can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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