Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
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Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
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So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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