I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
