If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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